In Russia, you don’t interview the president. The president interviews you

Well, our enemy of the month turns out to be small, compact, clearly botoxed to the nines; has a nasty cough, which suggests a heart problem, and fidgety hands and feet, which imply nerves at the end of their tether (though I’m sure he could still beat Joe Biden at remembering his address). When excited, such as discussing the medieval politics of the Duchy of Lithuania, he sneered. Often, he sighed - as if matters of war and peace are boring, and Tucker’s questions are stupid.

He was refreshingly rude. Putin accused Carlson’s statements of being “complex” (ie, ill-constructed), “subtle” (disingenuous) and “pesky” (tiresome), talked over him and, when Tucker tried to drag the conversation back to the 21st century, patronisingly offered to provide more dates. 

We learnt nothing new about Putin’s view of the world except that it is surprisingly tedious: Ukraine and Russia were once indivisible, the Soviets created a fake nation, Nato has tried to colonise it, yada yada. Carlson sat looking steam-rollered and bored, making one speculate how a less deferential interviewer might have handled the subject (Oprah Winfrey would’ve interrupted: “I’ve heard you’re gay. What kind of man turns you on?”)

Carlson did interrogate Putin at length about the imprisoned journalist Evan Gershkovich. There were also some interesting exchanges about religion - one senses that Putin’s faith is more Russian than Orthodox - and the amusing insinuation that Boris Johnson single-handedly destroyed the peace talks (“where is he now?” asked Putin, a question I’m sure Boris routinely asks himself).

The rest was historical fan-fiction. Russia might have joined Nato. Russia was stabbed in the back by US-financed separatists. Russia did not start the Ukraine war - “deep slavic sigh”, that was Mossad, Prince Philip and the CIA. The defining image was not the absurd scale of Empress Alexandria’s former powder room - occupied by two oompa-loompas - nor Putin snarling as he described heads pulped by car tires; no it was Tuck’s “Gee, I never thought of it that way before” expression as Putin lied and lied to his face. It’s a look appropriate to being told by an internet professor that aliens built the pyramids, not excuses for rape and murder.

Carlson’s whole schtick is studied naiveté. He speaks to men who have been cancelled - Bill O’Reilly, Martin Shkreli, Andrew Tate - offering to “hear them out” with an “open mind”. This was fine in so far that most of them were a joke, but what would happen if he finally sat down with a psychopath armed with nuclear weapons? Critics will say the result is not entertainment but propaganda, with the interviewee in command and, by the finish, the one asking the questions.

“Shall we end here, or is there anything else?” he said, bringing two hours to a menacing conclusion. 

In Russia, the president interviews you.